Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
