If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no more duck duck goose at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
