No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
