you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
