Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I am morally bankrupt
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
