He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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