I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
