I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
