i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
