haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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