He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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