I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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