Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
