Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there's paper in my vomit.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
