just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
