just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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