Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
