I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
