smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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