just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
