the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize