I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
