8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
