I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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