just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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