I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
