Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
