did you get engaged???
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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