i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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