Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Shame - the story of my life.
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