We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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