does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
