I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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