Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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