I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
