He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize