i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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