He kissed a someone with a penis
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
