I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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