Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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