I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
