the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
