I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
