I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
