so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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