he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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