the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
