He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
