Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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