The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize