its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
