Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
