fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
