also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
