your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
