im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
