we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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