i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
