It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
