Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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