Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
