just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
