The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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