I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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