Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
