I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize