Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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