got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
