It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
